A Day of Anger Management

May 16, 2011 - 10:05 am

Have you ever been to Anger Management class…..no because you are a good person. I am also a good person but I got a little angry with a douche bartender, 3 butch lesbians, and 5 security guards at the El Cortez hotel in Las Vegas. That is a blog for another time. The result of that night was a night in Jail, 6 months of probation, and a 8 hour anger management class on a Saturday. So in the heart of college football season I had to drive to downtown Las Vegas at 7:30 am and go to a class room full of crazy people. Honestly I went to the class angry because who wants to pay $260 dollars for a stupid class and be up at 7am on a Saturday. I walk into the class and it is full, 24 people and nobody is talking everybody just looking at eachother trying to figure out why the other people are in the class. Minutes later in walks Mrs Collins a middle aged black woman who immediatly tells the class if I catch you on your phone or sleeping i will kick your ass out of class and you will have to do the class all over next week. I immediatly shut off my phone and gave up on my dreams of playing angry birds and checking football scores all day. But then things got super entertaining because she said everybody is going to stand up and tell why they are in the class. In my head all I could think was YESSSSSS, this is going to be awesome! And it was! The first couple people were boring but then Albert stood up and he was a 5’7 mexican dude just covered in tattoos and he said “I am here because this customer kept fucking with me at my work and I stabbed him in the kneck!” Holy shit who is going to beat that story? I will tell you who can beat that story Lakiesha a 5’10 fat black chic who stood up and said these exact words ” I punched my bitch ass roomate in the mouth because she sat on my baby” And the teacher asked the same question I am sure you are asking “Why would somebody sit on your baby” and Lakiesha said” I dont even know, fat bitch just seen my baby and just went and sat on him” Probably alot more to that story but I guess we will never find out. I then told my story and it got a couple laughs but i would say it was far from the winner. The winner was this poor old lady who I was fasinated by from the moment I walked in. Her name was Ann and she was 67 years old and reminded me of my grandma. She stood up and said “my husband left me for one of his students, his student was named Michelle and she was retarded. He brought Michelle to our home and she kept taking pictures of me very close to my face and I asked her to stop but she wouldnt so I slapped her, and then me and my husband and michelle got in a huge fight in my front yard.” Now I did feel awful for Ann but I have to admit if she had filmed the fight I probably would have watched it 1000 times on youtube. A retarded girl and two 60 year olds fist fighting in the front yard…that is not something you see everyday. After we all announced why we were there we watched videos for hours and hours and at 4:45 we all got our diplomas and were released back out into the wild. I didnt really learn much from that class but I did learn that I never want to have to sit through it again.

And the thought of that miserable Saturday often times keeps my anger under control. I do wish they would televise the first 30 mins every week when people tell the story of why they are in the class. That part was amazing!!! And as for my diploma…it is hanging up framed on my wall!!!! Dont be angry…Be happy!!

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